How to Use This Guide
You are not being graded. You are being formed.
This is a self-guided journey designed to be done without a counselor, teacher, or facilitator present. Because of that, the guide moves intentionally slowly and repeats important reminders.
What this guide is
- A space to reflect, understand, and practice
- A tool for growth, not diagnosis
- A shared language for future conversations
What this guide is not
- A test of who is more mature
- A place to resolve every conflict
- A tool to fix your spouse
Before you begin
Agree together on these four commitments:
- We will not interrupt.
- We will not fix or correct.
- We will not weaponize vulnerability later.
- We will pause if emotions escalate.
The goal is not agreement; it is understanding.
How each day works
Each day is designed to take 20–30 minutes. You may stop early if emotions rise. Progress matters more than completion.
Each day follows the same rhythm:
| Element | Purpose |
|---|---|
| Teaching | A concept, framework, or biblical grounding to read together |
| Self-Reflection | A question to answer individually before sharing |
| Couple Conversation | A structured discussion prompt with listening rules |
| Closing Prayer | A brief prayer to anchor the day’s growth |
If one partner is hesitant
Begin Day 1 on your own. Growth in one spouse often creates space for the other to engage when they are ready.
Do not use this guide as leverage to demand participation.
The group materials
After completing all four days together, the Husbands’ Group and Wives’ Group guides provide a structured discussion for each partner to be honest with peers who share their experience. These are most valuable when used 1–2 days after completing Day 4.
The activity sheet
The Couples Activity Sheet is a condensed companion to the four-day guide; one printable page capturing all the key activities. You can use it during the guide or as a reference later.
Anthony Faustine
sambaiga.github.io