Appendix: The Marriage Growth Library
If you want to dive deeper into the concepts explored in this guide, these resources are highly recommended.
The Spiritual Foundation
The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Best for understanding the “Vertical Love” and the Gospel’s role in marriage. Keller shows how the gospel reshapes the expectations we bring into marriage and gives us a foundation that feelings alone cannot provide.
Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
The definitive guide on the “Crazy Cycle” and the different needs of husbands and wives. Grounded in Ephesians 5:33, it shows how unconditional love and unconditional respect are the two most powerful levers in a Christian marriage.
Personality and Self-Leadership
What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
A “business” book that is secretly a masterpiece on stopping the habits that annoy the people we love. Goldsmith’s work on “winning too much” and interpersonal blind spots maps directly onto the relational patterns that damage marriages.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
The source of the Circle of Influence framework and the “Seek First to Understand” principle applied throughout this guide. Habit 5 in particular is transformative for married couples.
Research-Based Skills
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
The gold standard for understanding the 5:1 ratio, the Soft Startup, and the four behaviors (“Four Horsemen”) that predict divorce. Backed by decades of longitudinal research and written accessibly for couples.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
A practical guide for those who want to increase their EI scores through daily exercises. Each of the four EI domains (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management) comes with specific strategies.
Key References
McCrae, R. R., & Costa, P. T., Jr. (1987). Validation of the five-factor model of personality across instruments and observers. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(1), 81–90.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press.
Goldsmith, M., & Reiter, M. (2007). What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. Hyperion.
This guide is designed for growth, not crisis intervention. If you or your spouse are experiencing abuse, severe conflict, or mental health challenges, please seek support from a licensed marriage counselor or therapist before using self-guided materials.
Resources: Psychology Today Therapist Finder · Focus on the Family Counseling Referral